10 Reasons People Stay Single on Purpose

[Image from BBC London]

Newly through divorce court, and an amicable one (thank Heavens), I must say, I have been doing some thinking about why people must choose to stay single.  If someone came to me with this list even a year ago, I would have said they were mad... But things and people do change.


I will pre-empt my list to say that my ex-husband is someone who, while I did not date him long, I chose very carefully.  I had an impossible list of personality requirements and he seemed to meet all of those at the time.  We dated briefly and got married over the summer after our first year of college.   We were married three and a half years before we had our fabulous daughter.  We stayed married for 9 years.  I do not, and won't ever, regret having my daughter with him.  She is made of the best parts of both of us.  Thank God I never had a second child.  Perhaps it would have gotten the worst parts of us, and one is all I can handle.  There.  I said it.  I am high maintenance!


On with the list:


10.  You can make your own schedule.  True, I must work around my daughter's school and sleep schedule and what have you, but if it is a night she won't sleep, I can go to the grocery store a little later, make different dinner choices, like cereal or hot dogs, if that's what she wants that day.  As long as she is getting in what she needs nutritionally, I'm not a stickler for timing.  When you are dealing with someone else, you need to have things ready when they come home.  I love flexibility.


9.  It is easier to maintain yourself.  If no one is sitting right in front of you ordering a Baconator when you just lost some weight, saying, "Smell it, eat it, try it, are you sure?" like a crack dealer, chances are you can be happy with a baked potato, a salad, and much lower cholesterol.  I'm just saying.


8.  While exercise is always a choice, it is more readily chosen on the path of least resistance.  My daughter always wants to play outside.  This will be wonderful.


7.  You don't have to wait for someone else's job to bless you with vacation time.  If I am blessed enough to find work, I plan to take my daughter places I might not otherwise have gotten to take her, and work some solo trips into the mix as well.


6.  You only have to spend/waste your time with those you choose.  No more pretending to be nice to people who absolutely make your skin crawl.  This may not be who you are with, but people they know from God-knows-where.  When it is all you can do to bring your eyes down from the ceiling to hold a conversation with people who cannot form a sentence, it's time to GTFO Dodge.  Most times, the feeling is mutual, and this is a waste of time for all involved.  I enjoy people with at least decent grammar and literacy levels...


5.  No more convincing your friends and family that you truly are happy.  They saw it all along.  You are not fooling anyone.


4.  Let this be a lesson in doing what YOU want and not what you think you are SUPPOSED to do, for whatever reason.  We get one trip around this little blue ball and we ourselves are the only ones on our trip the for the entire ride.


3.  Your career decisions now involve no one else but you and your children (or lack thereof).  If I want to teach abroad someday, I see that happening now.  When you are committed or married, everything is put through that, "How will that work with him or her?" filter.  No more of that.  I am a free thinker, very adventurous and spontaneous.  I will travel if I have the opportunity and I will pack my bags and go this second.  The ex is, admittedly, much more of a homebody.  Nothing is wrong with either of these, but during our discussions, this was one of the points driving home the fact that this wasn't working for either of us.


2.  You don't have any expectation of assistance with watching your children or cleaning your house while also working nearly full time (and often, two jobs), and taking full-time classes.  You can just rely on yourself, look out for yourself, and be happy about the option to be by yourself.  The other person is probably busy working their tail off just to help all of you get by, thanks to the Great American Marriage Tax Penalty.  This eliminates room for disappointment.


1.  No more, "I don't care, what do you want?" when in fact, you both care.  You know what you want. Now, go get it!




UPDATE:  This blog entry was a featured entry on the Brazen Careerist social network!   That made my day :-)  This is the link to my article!